i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I can't turn off my feet"
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
sex in a hospital.. check
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
