meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
