sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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