it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
