i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
