Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
