Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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