booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
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