All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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