i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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