we have officially lost it.
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
