i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
