I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
You left your underwear on the fireplace
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
