Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
