I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
