Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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