it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
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