well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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