its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
