the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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