In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
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