i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
