yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
In America we eat man semen.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
