im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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