JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
