it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
