So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
