someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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