you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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