mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
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