Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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