What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
