I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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