Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
