He managed to light the Jello on fire...
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize