Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
