I cannot find my penis.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
