i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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