Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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