6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
