guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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