her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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