I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
