well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
