Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
