my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
