I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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