i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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