legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
