You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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