help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
