a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
