So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
