who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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