Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
