I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize