it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
You can't motorboat a personality
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
