When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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