I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
i think i just lost a toe
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize