fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
