At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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