I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
