My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
