Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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