You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Randomize
