"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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