we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
